(Below is an article I wrote for a national publication in May of 2011)

Saying “I do” is easy. Committing to “for better or for worse” appears to be more difficult. Marriage in what is commonly referred to as the “Bible Belt,” the primarily southern and midwestern states known for their more conservative values is in decline and has been for the past two decades.

What are the fundamental reasons for the decline and will we see the number decline in the next ten years? Dr. Richard Land, head of the Southern Baptist Conventions Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission and a contributor to Christian Post commented in The Tennessean saying, “If marriage is in decline in the buckle of the Bible belt, then we’re in serious trouble.”

The National Vital Statistics System reported that states considered part of the “Bible belt,” such as South Carolina, Kentucky and Tennessee, accounted for the largest percentage decline in marriages.

Census data recently released from Tennessee shows that married couples make up 48 percent of households today as compared to 52 percent of households ten years ago. The divorce rate in Tennessee is second only to Oklahoma in the Bible belt states.

According to a U.S. Census Report released in November of 2010, the percentage of households headed by a married couple who had children under the age of 18 living with them declined 3 percentage points, from 24 to 21 percent from 2000 to 2010.

While divorce is one reason fewer people are now married, many are waiting longer in life to marry and others are choosing to avoid marriage altogether. In 1960 the average age of newlyweds was 23 compared to 28 in 2009. Some reasons are obvious, especially for those pursing graduate level degrees or careers that demand far more than a 40-hour workweek. Others are the children of divorce and are looking to avoid the mistakes they saw their own parents make while going through their most formative years.

Dr. Larry Semrau, a Christian counselor in Memphis, Tennessee, sees hundreds of patients annually and has observed some starting revelations over the last several years. “Younger people are waiting longer because of emotional immaturity. They’re simply not prepared to enter into a longer term, committed relationship.”

Dr. Semrau also stated approximately 80% of men have a fear of failure and 80% of women have a fear of abandonment. “This certainly doesn’t encourage the younger generation to seriously consider marriage when so many other things are competing for their attention. It’s much easier to have a relationship with someone on Facebook than it is to have a relationship with the person down the hall – and safer too,” said Semrau.

Jane Spearman, an attorney and devout Christian in her mid-forties has never been married. “Honestly, I never thought I would be practicing law at this stage of my life. I realized I needed to focus on my education and getting through those first few years in a large law firm, but for some reason I’ve just never met Mr. Right. Sure, I would like to be married and have a family but I want to make sure I’m marrying for the right reasons,” added Spearman.

Dr. Floyd Covey, a Christian counselor in Collierville, Tennessee echoed the sentiment of many in his profession. “The whole idea of a committed relationship is not as attractive as it used to be. That’s a major disadvantage of living in a post-Christian culture.”

Another important observation Dr. Covey made is that many pastors and churches are taking an ineffective approach. “We’re trying to offer couples in trouble a three or five step plan to fix their marriage. That may work for a business but not for a marriage. The first thing I want to know is did they come see me to save their marriage or decide if marriage is still for them. I find my ability to help them is not all that good if they’re not committed to each other,” noted Covey.