piece<\/a> about my own experience of losing one of my best friends our senior year – almost to the day God called Colin and Christophe home. I can relate to the close friends and teammates of the boys, especially those who have spent so much time with them over their 17 years. That means I can sympathize with them.<\/p>\nOn the other hand, I have no idea what Robert and Anna Kilgore and John Kesterson and Georgina Kesterson are going through at this moment. Honestly, I pray I never know that feeling and I\u2019m confident any parent reading this would agree. The difference is unless we have shared the same or a similar experience, we can only empathize with them or try to understand their emotions. Therein lies the difference.<\/p>\n
For those close to the families, it\u2019s easy to show your support in words, with a hug or with another personal display of sympathy. Showing up at the family\u2019s home, dropping by the visitation and going to the funeral are no-brainers.<\/p>\n
But what about those of us who didn\u2019t know the boys or their family\u2019s well or at all? What should we do? How should we act?<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve never sat at the ballpark in 98-degree heat or during a gusty windstorm with the parents when Colin and Christophe were trying to hit a new pitcher or make a goal. I never had the privilege of throwing Colin in my backyard pool or fist bumping Christophe when he walked in my garage to visit my son and grab a Coke from my frig. Maybe I can do both when we meet in Heaven one day.<\/p>\n
So what about the rest of us?<\/p>\n
It\u2019s no longer about Colin or Christophe. That doesn\u2019t mean we aren\u2019t going to honor their memories. We always will. I believe the focus now is showing our love and support for those closest to them.<\/p>\n
I bring this up because I\u2019ve heard some of the parents and boys say they feel uncomfortable going to a visitation or service because they didn\u2019t know either well or at all. I both sympathize and empathize with them.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve thought about this a lot and rehearsed what I might say if the opportunity presents itself. I may never meet the parents of Colin and Christophe and they would not know me from Adam. I\u2019m simply going to show my support because my heart bleeds for them. If the line is not too long I\u2019ll walk by, shake their hand and tell them I\u2019m praying for them. Nothing else matters, especially a name.<\/p>\n
If I were a classmate or teammate, I would consider going to show my fellow \u201cbrothers\u201d or other friends that I feel for them. Even if I had never met an upperclassman on the lacrosse or baseball team or someone they knew from childhood, I would shake their hand, pat them on the back or shoulder when I walked by or maybe simply nob their way. They\u2019ll know what you mean and they\u2019ll appreciate the gesture more than you will ever know.<\/p>\n
Lot\u2019s of people are going to be hurting for a long time. I know I did and it took me years to reconcile my emotions. That\u2019s okay. In the meantime, let\u2019s wrap Colin and Christophe\u2019s family and friends around our hearts and let them know we are there for them today and tomorrow. We may need the favor returned one day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The recent and tragic deaths of Christian Brothers High School seniors Colin Kilgore and Christophe Kesterson has hit close to home for their friends, teammates, and teachers. Now that the impact of their deaths has started to bring our emotions to the surface, I believe it\u2019s time we realize it\u2019s not about how or what we feel, but rather the feelings of the relatives and close friends of these two young men. On Monday I wrote a piece about my own experience of losing one of my best friends our senior year – almost to the day God called Colin and Christophe home. I can relate to the close friends and teammates of the boys, especially those who have spent so much time with them over their 17 years. That means I can sympathize with them. On the other hand, I have no idea what Robert and Anna Kilgore and John Kesterson and Georgina Kesterson are going through at this moment. Honestly, I pray I never know that feeling and I\u2019m confident any parent reading this would agree. The difference is unless we have shared the same or a similar experience, we can only empathize with them or try to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[455,454,461,456,458,327,462,450],"class_list":["post-958","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-by-paul","tag-cbhs","tag-christian-brothers-high-school","tag-christophe-kesterson","tag-colin-kilgore","tag-death","tag-paul-stanley","tag-sympathy","tag-writer"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\n
When Tragedy Strikes Let\u2019s Remember, It\u2019s Not About Us; It\u2019s About the Families & Friends Who Remain - Paul Stanley<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.paulstanley.org\/blog\/2015\/02\/18\/when-tragedy-strikes-lets-remember-its-not-about-us-its-about-those-closest-to-them\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When Tragedy Strikes Let\u2019s Remember, It\u2019s Not About Us; It\u2019s About the Families & Friends Who Remain - Paul Stanley\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The recent and tragic deaths of Christian Brothers High School seniors Colin Kilgore and Christophe Kesterson has hit close to home for their friends, teammates, and teachers. Now that the impact of their deaths has started to bring our emotions to the surface, I believe it\u2019s time we realize it\u2019s not about how or what we feel, but rather the feelings of the relatives and close friends of these two young men. On Monday I wrote a piece about my own experience of losing one of my best friends our senior year – almost to the day God called Colin and Christophe home. I can relate to the close friends and teammates of the boys, especially those who have spent so much time with them over their 17 years. That means I can sympathize with them. On the other hand, I have no idea what Robert and Anna Kilgore and John Kesterson and Georgina Kesterson are going through at this moment. Honestly, I pray I never know that feeling and I\u2019m confident any parent reading this would agree. 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